Friday, July 29, 2005
why
Dear blog, i just had to record this down...
Sigh. I'm full of sorrow. My life is in a shithole. Save me, i'm drowning. I can't stand this life. Each time i try to live to the fullest, something happens and smacks me right in the head and tells me life sucks. But does life really suck? I try to tell myself otherwise, but circumstances always tell me so. Why? Why? Why?
Okay, my folks are pestering me about my studies all the time. And guess what?? Now i have a class on SUNDAY 9am to 12pm. AND I AM FUCKING SHOCKED THAT MY PARENTS CAN SO EASILY TELL ME TO SKIP CHURCH AND GO FOR THAT INSTEAD. WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF.
Okay there i go again. They made me do it. I hate swearing. I condemn swearing. But u know what? I just couldn't control myself there. Yah i know, "in your anger, do not sin". Sorry, Lord, i have sinned. I'm such an imperfect piece of clay. Worthless junk. Just leave me there to rot.
What on earth is happening man??? Everything that ever mattered to me is now stripped off me. I'm exasperated. But i can't tell them that, they won't listen. They only think they'r right, and i'm wrong, just because i made a few mistakes that was costly. But is it fair that because of that, i can just strip my church duties off me just like that?? I WILL GLADLY QUIT MINISTRY! But you know what? I rally don't know what to do, what to say...
i can't face anyone anymore...
I lost my reputation. I am a horrible man. I can't handle a love relationship properly. I display poor leadership qualities in church. I'm not doing well in anything i do. Not a single thing. I'm just useless now. And now to make me quit is like stripping me off what little dignity i have left.
THEY WON'T EVEN TRY TO FIGHT FOR ME...
I am so upset, so lost, so forgotten. I feel like just digging a hole and burying my head in it. Denial? Well, the truth hurts. Can i take this anymore? Before i even started, i've already failed. I have lost. Overtaken. Forgotten.
In...darkness....
7:40 AM |
0 comments
- the lovers, the dreamers and me -
