the mochaholic

Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Happy Birthday Me

i loved it today when i looked at my phone and it would read 22/06/05 on the screensaver. Yep, today marks my 19th year alive, my 228th month living, my 6935th day breathing air from my nose, my 166440th hour fumbling to survive, my 9986400th minute out of my mother's womb, or my...damn phone calculator no space to display number. Has life been good? Well, i definately can't complain, considering i am fortunate enough to possess the many needs as well as wants, that many out there are deprived of or even covet for. I have a GOD who loves me even though i'm part of the foulest most vilest species ever created, and have hurt Him tens of thousand times too many, and He still forgives. I'm also blessed with a family, who through all the squabbling have become close, loving and understanding. And i'm also thankful for the fact that my parents are still happily married after all these years. I guess their togetherness is something i take for granted. I'm also blessed to have oh so many friends out there, who are always there for me when i need them. I don't know what i'll be without them.

But i guess for me, i would think that i'll be lying to myself if i looked at the bright side of the things around me all the time and ignored the poignant moments. See, these darker moments are not necessarily bad things, but rather, it is with such things that make the good things in life more pleasurable and more meaningful, as well as to bend and break us to become a better person. It's all part of God's perfect plan.

Well, let's talk about my day today, the 22nd of June 2005. It's my birthday! I woke up and headed for camp even though i was to report straight to marjoo camp for training, cause i absent-mindedly left my uniform in camp. Fair enough, considering my home is considerably near to camp and marjoo camp. Got changed, then strolled sunset way and took a bus from there to marjoo. Took me about 10 minutes just to get thru the guardhouse as they were being very thorough with their spotchecks. Good! This is the kind of soldiers our army really need. So anyway, waited another 10 mins for princess to arrive, before going with him deeper in the camp compound. He bashfully wished me a happy birthday. The moment was awkward, but still i appreciated the salutation. We then proceeded for the training in some airconditioned lecture room. It was rather boring. It was torture trying to keep my eyelids more than half open, but i managed, until lunch time. Princess and i decided to go to maccas at KAP since we had a little more than an hour for lunch. And being visitors to the camp and having no officer to supervise us, we conveniently made use of this privilege and walked out of the camp compound, uninterrupted. I felt proud to wear my uniform that day as i strolled into macs. I ordered a McChicken mean and the guy behind the counter called me 'Sir'. Not that they don't, when i'm in civvies, but i was in the mood so i accepted it in my stride. When i got to my seat, i clumsily spilled my lemon tea all over my tray. The whole upsized cup literally toppled and my whole tray was flooded with lemon tea. Luckily i didn't remove my food from the tray if not the situation would've been much more embarrassing, and i would've gotten my uniform dirty. I dumped my fries after they got all soaked and completed what was left of my meal with an apple pie and an ice-cream cone. Back to marjoo it was, and princess conveniently left at 1522hrs, during their demonstration. I guess i shouldn't be talking bad behind his back cos it constitutes to gossipping, but it's something that i happen to find rather upsetting. Princess al is petty about work. He would do them to the bare minimum of his abilities, and i have reasons to believe the words, 'chao geng' were invented for people like him. OKAY. Enough about al. Let me continue about my day. Course ended close to 1600hrs and there was really no point in returning back to camp, so i made my way home. (Why not? It's my birthday!) I was on the phone with wong most of the trip back, talking about important stuff. My old friend Angeline (Kwek) saw me and msged me when i got home. Turns out her bf lives at blk 2 pandan valley and she was in the neighbouthood, so what the hey, we met up outside laurels supermart, and we had a long chat. Her bf didn't seem one comfortable the entire time, so i didn't want to prolong the conversation. He seemed so insecure about losing her. Anyway, i grabbed a bag of chips at laurels and made my way back home, where andrew came home. I had a nice chat on msn with genie and jacq, and jacq showed me the nicest most professionally done publicity posters for 'Air'. I'm so proud of her, and wondered why she wasn't recruited in the youths.blogspot team before! So it was around 1740hrs before andrew and i finally got to leave for marina square to catch 'A lot like love' at 1850hrs. The bus ride on service 7 took surprisingly long as traffic along orchard road was slow. Finally reached GV on the dot and we bought our snacks and headed straight for the theatre. The film was pretty okay. Not one of those shows that will have a "part 2", but it was nonetheless quite entertaining. It give it 3 out of 5 bites. Okay, the upsetting part was after the show. Think i'll start this on a new paragraph...

There! Okay. We were outside the theatres and we loitered around til we found the toilets where A and A spent lightyears in. It wasn't til then that they decided to wish me. Okay, i'm being petty here aren't i? But seriously, it was as if they forgot, and who wouldn't be discouraged? A forgiveable faux pas it was anyway. So there we went loitering again. Oh, did i mention that Anna made me a card? It didn't contain the words, 'Happy', or 'Birthday' at all, but yet it meant so much. It was humorous, and it was from her heart. Now i know even more how much she treasures our friendship. Well, we continued loitering again anyway, and we wasted bout 15 minutes buying gelato and ice blended drinks, none of which i felt like indulging in, before we decided to head down to esplanade for drinks and a chit chat. D and K weren't very cooperative tonite and rather exclusive. This is my blog, and this is where i pour my heart out. Truth is, i felt like crying when we were sitting at the bench outside the esplanade, just behind the kacang puteh auntie's stall. Yah, i did. Well, i was hurt, hurt that half the group were in a world of their own and simply not making any effort to make this day special. But what hurt more was the fact that people i considered my friends were behaving this way, this almost cold behavior, towards me, and on this day. I forced myself to Thai Express where again, i again forced myself to smile.

Later on, on my way home on the bus, min msged me to wish me again, and to cheer up. I didn't know how to react. I was upset, yet i didn't want to show it. How can i cheer up so immediately just through one sms?? It's not that i want more. I don't. I don't need or want gifts. I have everything in the world, what else would i need? What i wanted was true friends and a good night, a night i would remember for at least the next few years. Alas, perhaps i was meant to remember it this way. Later still, Daryl msged to apologise. Sigh. I just didn't want to reply cos somehow i have the feeling that min asked him to. Sad that the bunch had to be so oblivious to the star of the day. Couldn't they just make me feel a little more special today? Am i so undeserving to receive such treatment? I start to ponder.

But lest i go on forever wallowing in depression and self-pity, i shall think about the bright and positive happenings of today. As for birthday wishes thru SMSes, i've received them from Genie, Fang Yu, Ah Mu, Cheryl, Angel, McDonald's Corp, Joyce, Dwong, Edward, Anna, Angeline, Rachel, and Judith. It's not the number received, but i must say that i am deeply touched and appreciative of this little act to say, 'I remembered'. As of now, i have not received any material gifts yet, but i am still happy. Very happy in fact. At least i do know that i do have friends who care and love me.

I shall not look back on the past (lest i turn to a pillar of salt?). I shall move on and forget about what happened tonite. I just hope that i won't be awkward around them next time. They are, afterall, still my friends. I shall not dwell upon this thought any longer, but if there's one thing i do want to be accomplished, it is that i hope to see less people forming into cliques. As seen tonite, are the harmful effects of over-cliquing. I'm certainly glad that i'm not an outsider or newcomer, if not i probably wouldn't want to come to church ever again.

Angel described this outing as, 'bittersweet'. Well, i did actually learn something from this experience. Apart from the reminder of the effects of cliquing, i also learned not to expect too much from people, just because it's your birthday. To me it may be a special day, but to someone else, it's just another day, just like yesterday or the day before.

But after all said and done, i really shouldn't complain anymore. If anyone happens to stumble accross this and get offended by it, well, you shouldn't be.

11:47 PM | 0 comments

- the lovers, the dreamers and me -